Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

In the words of Charlie Brown....GOOD FRIGGIN' GRIEF!
It has been MONTHS since I blogged about something.
Is it because I have nothing to blog about?
NO. I have several things I have wanted to share!
Is it because I am a lazy mole-man** ?

**Mole-man behaviour occurs when I don't leave my basement for weeks at a time - sometimes painting in my actual pjamas! This phenomenon is also known as "Wiarton-Willie-Fever" - also known as the "Punksatony-Phil-Flu".
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Maybe partially.....but honestly .....blogging just takes time I don't seem to have in a week....and I am not sure it helps my career in any way!! But it's a new year....so I thought I would try again!

Now....I would LOVE to promise you that I would get back to regular blogging (3 times a week)....but that would be a HUUUUGE lie! And I do not want to lie to you, you're my friend!(Or you're a spybot that is going to direct me to your off-brand Viagra pill site!)
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Okay so since it is January, and almost "Let's Talk Day"...I thought I might talk about my own mental health a bit...

The truth is, I find January/February/March the HARDEST months. I am not sure if it is the winter related, or post-Christmas-blues, or end-of-year-taxes-sadness....but I genuinely find it hard....and I can be prone to depression....so I really need to WORK HARD to not fall down the rabbit hole of "poor me"!

I have talked fairly openly about my sensitive nature and how I find dealing with rejection challenging - in these old blog posts...
I have talked about loss and grief a lot as well (especially in my OLD blog!) Time and time again, I have also talked about  ”the power of gratitude to heal and enhance your life” and about "running your own race".

But honestly, I find I still battle with this "compare and despair" mentality. Normally, I just need to write down my feelings and I can stop myself from getting caught up in it....so that's what I am doing here today!

Honestly, I blame social media for igniting the fires of doubt and then depression! Well...I guess FIRST, I have to blame my own insecurity...but THEN I blame social media!

I have been working as an artist for a LOOOOOONG time now, and now that I am at a certain point in my career, I really notice those who have surpassed me with their successes in the industry. I try not to, but I am bit weak! Ok.....so I blame my insecurities THEN my weakness, THEN social media! BLAME BLAME BLAME...ugh.
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I then look at those who I helped when they were getting started, and notice those who have incredible things happen in their career, while I am still battling it out in the mud and rain in a park...

Then.....once I have headed that far down Poor Robbie Avenue,
​(you don't wanna go there - it is a dark, sinister tree-lined road)
​I look at the kids coming up who get INCREDIBLE opportunities, that I had to work like a MOFO to get....and I feel a sick feeling of "WHY YOU??" I get angry and envious....which is no doubt because I am a perfectionist....
​It's ugly!!!!!

BUT....my long suffering husband said something recently that helped me re-frame things....

He KNOWS I tend to compare my failures to other peoples successes.....and so he suggested that instead of focusing on the small percentage of my peers that "out success-ed" me, that I can look at the number that have not made it this 'far'.

Not to revel in other people's losses, but to help me focus on my own gains. I can then look at the newbies who get the opportunities that I don't, and instead of feeling jealousy, remember how hard it is to make success last in this career and focus on THAT sense of accomplishment.

​I am calling it the "Elton John -I'm Still Standing" technique...

Don't you know that I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
And I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
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Next time you get that awful feeling...and I KNOW I am not alone in this, just channel your inner Elton:

​This winter (aka depression season) to keep living my own truth...to run my own race, to live laugh and love with gratitude. To be honest with others, and compassionate to those who need it. And to NOT be caught up in the number of followers I DON'T have on Instagram! Because that isn't important!

THAT seems like something I can do. 
The Bitch is back!
RIIIIIGHT??
​(That's another Elton reference for those under age 30!)

Let's all do it!

​And remember....if worse comes to worse.....

...and gosh darn it......people like you!
Later gaters!